I was nervous, scared and all kinds of emotions. It took me about 30 minutes to hit send on that letter. I cried and hyperventilated a bit. Todd caressed my back, reminding me that I have a family that does care about me. He held me and let me cry. He then asked what I was so afraid of. I didn’t really know. I guess I was afraid of hurting her. She had been so emotionally dependent on me that I was afraid of what she might do if I did cut her off. Realistically, though, she probably thinks that it will be just a couple of months and I’ll be back. I don’t think she understands the severity of my pain and doesn’t understand that this is permanent. I resolved that I cannot have a relationship with my mother until she leaves her pedophile husband, which she won’t. In the event that she does, then I will have a very shallow relationship with her unless she makes an effort to get psychological help. In the event that Dave passes away while they are still married, then there will still be no relationship because she still never chose to leave him.
I immediately blocked her and Dave from my page on Facebook. My profile is mostly private but I still didn’t want them stalking what little was public. They have no rights to my life. I was also prepared for the aftermath of the “storm.” I expected her to call since she usually doesn’t respect my boundaries. I knew that if she did, I wouldn’t speak to her but Todd would. He promised that he wouldn’t be as nice as I was. He said that he’s bit his tongue for ten years and he is happy to unleash it if I allow him. I need someone to stick up for me, so sure. I never did get a phone call or a reply on the email. What we did get however was a crazy rant on Facebook for the whole world to see. She never un-friended Todd and he had been so busy with finals and comps that he didn’t think about it. I had been eaten up with guilt over my letter. I just wanted to cry all the time. I felt like I needed to call and apologize but I knew that wasn’t right. What happened to me wasn’t my fault and I deserve to be healed. I decided to start this blog to help start the process of healing. I really needed to write about my life and experiences. I needed to get it out of my head. I needed to not feel so damn guilty about my choice!
A couple of days after I sent the letter, she posted this message on Facebook: To my children, I have loved you both with all my heart. Both your dad (Dave) and I would have done anything and would do anything for either of you and your spouses. We love our grandchildren to the ends of the earth. BUT, we will no longer tolerate being criticized, ridiculed, accused and bullied by with of you. Yes, we made mistakes with both of you, some big, some small, but no parent in the universe is perfect! We know that neither of you love have love in your heart as we have for you both. SO, get over yourselves and gossip all you want with your family and friends, but we will no longer tolerate your actions and harsh words and accusations toward us. WE ARE DONE WITH YOU BOTH!!!
Well, that certainly made things easier for me. My brother isn’t on Facebook and I have her blocked so neither one of us can even see her posts. She just disowned her kids on the internet for the whole world to see! I couldn’t believe what I was reading! I was hoping for a little bit of time for her to examine herself and my life and maybe start moving in the right direction but that’s not at all what happened. She has now gone into all-out denial. I gather from her post that she now doesn’t want to believe that anything happened to me and she is playing the victim. To her, she is the only one hurt. Wow. I just wonder what other people were thinking when they saw that? That was the final nail in the coffin.
I spoke to my brother that night just to let him know what was going on. I guess there was other family in town so he had to go over to her house. He shared only a few words with her. She did tell him that I had gone psycho. I’m psycho… awesome. I’m just going to let her keep thinking that because if she thinks that I’m psycho then she probably won’t bother me. Ok, not entirely true. She did try.
I knew that she was planning a trip to Pennsylvania to visit her family at the end of May. While she was out there, they had gotten the local news channel to cover their reunion. She posted the video to her Facebook page. Todd hadn’t blocked her yet, only un-friended her, so she was able to tag him in pictures of her mother and the video. I was so upset by it because she was manipulating the situation to get to me. She was still disregarding my wish to be left alone. She wanted me to be a part of this reunion but I just could not especially after being disowned by her for the whole world to see. Todd was furious with her that she tagged him. He sent her a message over Facebook. I don’t remember everything put in it but it went something like, “a felony against a child is not a mistake. I have bit my tongue for 10 years while supporting Julie. I couldn’t wait for the day that I could tell you how I feel about what you and Dave did to her and the pain you caused. If you ever tag, message, mention or anything of us in the future, I will become your worse nightmare.” And then he said something about living with her pedophilic husband. It was extremely harsh and I began to have guilty feelings and panicky feelings again. She couldn’t tell her new family really much of anything. Perhaps that’s why she acted like I was accusing her of a falsehood. She wants her new family to believe that something is wrong with me not her. She blocked him after getting the message. He set up another account just to check on her to make sure she wasn’t posting anything about me or us. When he checked, she had taken down all my kids pictures and deleted anything referencing me. I felt bad. I don’t know why but I did. I asked him to shut that new account down and just let her be. I was serious when I said that I didn’t want any more drama. I don’t want to know what she does anymore.