Something amazing happened to my mother soon after her visit. She called me one day in tears to tell me that she had sisters… and a brother. Turns out, her mother was still around too! My grandmother, Karen, had some old boxes or whatever in her attic that her youngest daughter, Veronica, was helping her clear out. Veronica came across some documents regarding my mother and her birth (a birth certificate maybe). She confronted Karen about it and she came clean at 71 years old. Veronica then took to the internet and found my mother on Facebook. She found out that she had two sisters and a brother. One of the sisters and the brother are twins and 5 years younger than my mother. The other sister is in her early 40’s. That’s Veronica. Veronica also has a set of boy/girl twins. I dodged a bullet with my kids! It’s very obvious that Karen is her mother. My mother is a spitting image of her.
So, what happened? From what I gather, Karen was an immigrant from Hungary in the 50’s and in a very abusive relationship with my grandfather. That’s not surprising because I have heard from several people that he was abusive. I don’ t know all of the details but apparently, she was forced to leave my mother behind at only two months old. Karen was only 18 at the time. She ended up changing her name and renouncing her Hungarian heritage. She met someone else and got remarried and had the twins. This husband was also abusive so she got another divorce. She married for a 3rd time and is still married to him. They had Veronica together. Karen had kept my mother a secret from everyone. The most ironic thing was that she lived only a few miles from where my mother grew up. I have so many questions regarding that.
I was happy for her. I would like to meet all of them but I don’t think that will happen. As the weeks progressed, I began to feel like I might be able to free myself. For so many years I had stuck around because I didn’t want to be one more person to abandon her. Her mother, my father, and my brother had all abandoned her. She made me feel guilty about this too. Who else would she have to talk to if not me? She would say this to me because she didn’t have a mother or siblings to talk to. She did have cousins that she spoke to occasionally and her aunt (who practically raised her… yeah, that came out later). She wasn’t totally alone but she sure did make me feel that way. This was one of the ways that she kept her claws sunk deep inside of me. I felt like I just couldn’t get out of her grip without feeling bad about it. So, when it came about that she had family (siblings and a mother) then I began to feel less attached because now she had other people to lean on.
I really needed an out because her attitude was becoming abusive again and she was really getting under my skin. I also was getting tired of waiting for Dave to die so that I could break my silence. I really needed to deal with my past.