My blog is very real and raw. For those who have endured sexual, physical and emotional abuse, there will be many triggers while reading. It was very important to me to not hold back. Please proceed with caution.
To read my story from the beginning you will need to go to the first post and read posts from the bottom up.
My story begins as early as I can remember, around the age of 4 when my step-father began sexually abusing me. Over the course of writing about these events I realized that there were many opportunities for my mother to acknowledge what he was doing to me and high-tail it out of that relationship but she didn’t do that. She knew about the abuse and had been confronted about it by social services as well as me in my teens and 20’s. She is still married to him. She was also very abusive to me in other ways and to this day most of the anger that I have is toward her. As you will read in this blog, I am not only angry at her for the abuse that she bestowed upon me but I am also angry that she didn’t protect me from her pedophile husband. She put her needs before mine and failed miserably and continues to make those mistakes. I had maintained a relationship with my parents, reluctantly, until recently when I finally made the decision to disown them. I cut off all forms of contact with them so I could get healing and protect my two children. Unfortunately, the statute of limitations in my home state has expired so pressing charges is not something that I can pursue.
I always wanted to write about my life but thought that I had to wait for them to pass away. I was basically living with my secret and nightmares so they could live peacefully. I realized that this wasn’t fair to me so I started this blog to get all of the memories out of my head and to hopefully reach others that might have gone through the same thing. I named this blog “Surviving Yesterday” because of the constant feeling of just getting through the day, dealing with the memories of the abuse, and surviving the days that are being put behind me. With abuse, victims tend to be very introspective so much of the healing deals with looking back and dealing with memories and flashbacks and the things that trigger them. We are surviving yesterday and thriving for today.
Bringing child abuse (especially sexual abuse) to the forefront of our conversations and concerns along with subjects like gay marriage, the economy, and cancer then perhaps we could see a decline in it’s instances. It won’t remain America’s dirty little secret if people know what to look for and pedophiles know that they are being watched.
As sad as my story may seem to those on the outside, I am actually very happy. I am learning a lot about myself and finally allowing myself to heal and move forward and live my life for me. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful children that keep me going everyday. Exercise helps and so do my two Boston Terriers. It’s good to focus on being holistically healthy- inside and out. That includes relationships. My parents were very toxic to me so they had to go. That was a big step for me. My road to recovery speaks of strength and health. Writing has also been very therapeutic for me. I hope that my story will help others overcome their fears of speaking out.
I hope to turn my story into a book for publication soon. This has been a dream of mine for a very long time so I am now jumping in and going for it.
All names (including mine) have been changed to protect the innocent members of my family.
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